Mona says

April 15, 2014

too much feeling, too little me

Filed under: Random — by Mona S. @ 4:55 pm

This morning we had some very sad news. My maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly. Granted he was sick but I just expected him to get better.

I feel like I’m in a bubble, a very vivid sense of disconnect. Like my grief is do much bigger and stronger than me. Physically. And holding me in.

I feel so very overwhelmed with grief but because there’s no physical proximity to what happened, I have to keep moving on with my day – I have houseguests at the moment – and my kids.

Outside the bubble, life goes on as always. Kids still get hungry, dishes need to be washed, the laundry doesn’t fold itself….

I spoke to my aunt, his widow, earlier this morning and she was so brave. We cried a bit together, talked about my uncle and I asked after my cousins, boys between 7 and 15 years of age.

I just saw them all at my brother’s wedding. I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe there’s emptiness where he used to be. I’ve been praying hard for him and his family.

We all know that we are on temporary loan from Allah SWT to each other as a means of learning love and patience and earning sawab. But to actually let go is so hard. To say alhamdolillah and keep marching on hurts so much. Leaves you raw.

I can’t believe we are that point already where my uncles and aunts start passing away. Life is so fleeting and yet we let unimportant and inconsequential things distract us from this absolute truth.

I’m going to miss him tons, he was a pretty big part of my childhood. His strong faith, his sense of fairness and his sense of humor is what I will remember always.

I’m praying hard that this part of his journey is made easy and I will see him again. Not for a while but I will.

If you see this, please say a little dua for him.

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