Mona says

April 24, 2013

still more mom thoughts

Filed under: Random — by Mona S. @ 6:12 am

Once my mom came home from the hospital, after all emotional realizations and resolutions, I thought that things would change drastically between us. I imagined that we would have that relationship that I always wanted to share with her.

And things did change, for a little bit. During the change period, mom and I were super considerate and affectionate with each other. I did whatever she asked, without questioning it like I normally would. I listened to her advice, no matter how out of the world it was and she listened to me talk without interruptions or worse, instructions.

It’s been more than three weeks since she’s back home and now we’re starting to fall into a new pattern for our old routine. It’s not crazy like it used to be and I don’t let our little tiffs bother me the way they used to. I wonder if it really was that simple – just accepting her as she is, quirks and all, and not expecting the pedestal-version of her? I also wonder if, at some point, I’ll forget how painful it was to think of my life without her in it and we’ll go back to bickering like we used to. I hope not.

While my mom was sick, but on the mend, I read this line, I don’t know where or by whom – things are a bit hazy from that time – that no matter how old you are when you lose your mom, you go back to just being her child for the period of grief. For all my mom’s nuttiness, she’s the one that helped me make sense of the world, of everything around me from the word go and without her in it, my world would be turned upside down. So, even though we’re poles apart in nearly every sense, here’s to many, many years of her in my life!

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