Mona says

May 12, 2010

Head’s messing with my, um, head.

Filed under: Random — by Mona S. @ 5:55 am
Tags: ,

My household consists, not of four people, as you’d expect, a husband, wife and their two kids but six people. No, Z doesn’t have two other wives nor do we have any children that we haven’t declared.

My brothers-in-law, Z’s brothers, live with us. For the most part, I’m happy with the arrangement. They are good kids and having them around is great fun, and help most times.

Other times, it’s not so easy. Times when I’m feeling down and out, or lazy and don’t feel like getting anything done – and I feel this perceived pressure because it isn’t just Z and the kids, who have to live with and forgive my sloppiness, my mood swings, but because there two other individuals who are also watching every move I make – who’s quality of life is affected by everything I do or don’t do.

And so, even on those down days, whether I’m sick or just lazy, I’m forcing myself to get everything done – have meals ready, be cheerful around the kids et cetera, et cetera – be their expectations, or my perception of their expectations, at least.

That’s when it struck me, I’ve started to give into that pressure in my head again to be everything to everyone, and the last time that happened, it was horrible. I was unhappy, people around me were unhappy – it was just too much unhappiness. I don’t want to go there again.

The judgement or the pressure isn’t real, and even if it was, it would be best ignored.

From here on, if I’m feeling sick or just unproductive (former today, latter yesterday), I’m going to give in and take it easy. Dinner can be yoghurt and toast, or whatever. And I’ll be as snappy as I want with the kids, or Z, thank you.

It just occurred to me that I’m this way when the househelp gets here too. Whenever she’s here – she comes for an hour every afternoon to do the dishes, cut veggies and for general cleaning and dusting – I feel like I have to look busy. I can’t just chill and watch a movie while the work gets done – like magic!, no sir, I have to iron or sort out clothes or something so I can escape the guilt. Which totally negates the point of my having help around the house. Argh.

No more pressure, head. You’re not winning this one!


1 Comment »

  1. I can totally understand, my brother-in-law lived with us for two years and older brother in law was with us on every weekend, even I felt the pressure,and HATED it!

    he has moved out now, feel so much relieved

    Comment by maryam — August 21, 2010 @ 8:28 pm |Reply

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